The Horror...and the Health Care Reform

I have a story for you.

My car registration was up for renewal in July. I sent in a check at the beginning of the month, which was cashed on July 17th. Almost one month later, I have not received my new stickers or registration card. I've taken to carrying a printed copy of the cashed check in my car just in case I get pulled over for my plates being expired.

Numerous calls to the El Paso County Clerk and Recorder offices have yielded me, "We mailed it, it should come in the mail any day now." That answer is unsatisfactory at best, as I am currently driving around with expired plates, which carries quite a fine should I be unlucky enough to have a cop behind me at a red light. I called again today, all three offices, and was met with the same voicemail on each one. "We are sorry we are unable to answer your call. Please leave a message, and we'll get back to you as soon as possible." There was also a note on there about how 2 of the 3 offices are closed on Fridays, and they're not open weekends, so the soonest I could expect a call back is on Monday.

So, I drove my expired car down to the only office in the Springs that's open on Fridays and sat in the "Get in line here to receive a number" line, which didn't move once in the ten minutes I stood there before losing my patience and leaving. If the line to get a number is that ridiculous, I can only imagine how long I'd be waiting once I received my number.

I came back to my office and jumped on the DMV website, trying to see if there was another way I could escalate my situation online. Of course, there was none, but I did find the conveniently helpful message "Due to severe budget cuts, only the Chapel Hills office will be open on Fridays. All other locations will be open Monday - Friday." Or something to that effect.

So, the trek to get the stickers I paid for will resume on Monday, I suppose.

I bring this up on this blog, because of all the debate for and against the health care reform that will essentially allow the government to run our health care. Can you imagine a health care system run by the same inefficient bureaucrats that run the DMV services?

Can you imagine going to the hospital where you must wait in line to get a number, then chill in the waiting room until your number is called? More to the point, could you imagine driving a loved one to the emergency room only to find they are closed, a sign hung on the door that reads "Due to the severe budget cuts, this emergency room location is only open Monday - Thursday, 8:00am - 5:00pm. Thank you."

That's a truly scary thought.

Chevelle Sci-Fi Crimes Available for Preorder

Greetings, all.

A while back, I posted a link to check out Chevelle's new single "Jars," which is a silly amazing song. The song comes off their forthcoming album Sci-Fi Crimes, which is set to release August 31.

But, for all you lucky readers, the album is available for preorder right now!

You can grab it off iTunes... or, if you want the best value, head on over here. If you preorder from the Skyroo site I just linked you get all kinds of awesome bonus goodies. Check it.

• 3 DRM-free MP3s (320kbps for you audiophiles out there) to download immediately including "Jars", "The Clincher", and "The Circus".
• The full 11 song album (also DRM-free 320kbps MP3) available to download a week early on 8/25.
• The actual CD shipped to arrive on or before the album's actual street date of 8/31.

What more could you ask for? Anyway, if you've never heard of Chevelle, check out the single "Jars" from the first link above. Otherwise, mosey on over to Skyroo to hook yourself up with a preorder.

Review - G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra

Let me start things off by summing up this movie: fun, but lacking any intelligence at all.

After much debacle with the group I normally see movies with, I ended up going with a couple of coworkers to a right-after-work showing of Joe. The theater started off empty, but ended up filling up quickly. And for an opening day showing, the audience was about as responsive as a turnip.

The reason for this, I believe, was the sheer stupidity of this film. The story was lame in the places it existed at all. The acting varied between so-so and awful, and the CGI... well, I'll get to that in a bit.

So, the story. What little of it there is. The Cobras steal a shipment of warheads that are filled with little robot things that eat anything the missile impacts. Think of these as the little microbot things that are set to destroy the world in The Day the Earth Stood Still. Exact same idea, except these things have a green tint and can be disabled via a "kill switch" that has a conveniently big OFF button. Oh, and they function as a mind control device too.

This is also an origins story, so there's a ton of flashbacks, mostly involving Duke and The Baroness (Ana) and the two ninjas. These back story bits are lamentably boring, which brings me to a great summation of the story. When things aren't blowing up, this movie drags.

Part of the reason for this is the acting. It kind of runs back and forth between decent and laughably bad. Channing Tatum plays Duke, the real All American Hero of the bunch. I like Tatum sometimes and don't like him other times. In Joe, he sorta falls right in the middle. It wasn't a bad acting job, but there weren't any stand up WOW moments either. Dennis Quaid played General Hawk, and was just bad at it. It seemed to me like he had the wrong expression on his face pretty much every second he was on camera. It was like he wanted to just burst out into giggling fits... the "I can't believe to I took this job" kind of giggling fits. Sianna Miller (Ana) and Rachel Nichols (Scarlett) provide the movie's eye candy without providing much in the way of substance.

Of the whole bunch, my favorite actor here was Ray Park. Folks may remember him as Darth Maul from Star Wars Episode 1. In Joe, he plays Snake Eyes, covered head to toe in black, and he doesn't say a word the entire movie. His costume definitely could have done without the lips though. Also, Byung-hun Lee plays the other ninja, Storm Shadow. Together with Ray Park, he put on some silly awesome fight scenes. Their story was the only back story I found myself interested in, and I'd be fine if they made the next G.I. Joe movie about those two only.

Yet, not all the blame for a bad story (or lack of interest in said story) can be placed on the actors. The writing in this movie is trash. The script is chock full of dense one-liners that made my very soul hurt with their idiocy and/or cliched nature. Many of the lines were awkward, particularly in the more mushy parts, and many times I found myself scratching my head wondering if people actually spoke such mindless things as often as this troop did.

Way back when I first posted the trailer for this movie on my blog, I said that I was worried that the movie would be a special effects bonanza without much in the way of storyline. So, the storyline was definitely shabby at best, so what about the special effects?

I tried for a while to find a nicer way to put this, but I really can't. The CGI in this movie looks like it was ripped straight out of one of those SyFy original movies. Invasion of the Killer Ants or some such. It was atrocious. I could see every blue screened shot, pick out every fake bolt of lightning or explosion. Nothing looked even remotely realistic. Take, for example, the G6 accelerator suits (read: Halo's MJOLNIR armor). Even in the fastest-paced scenes, I could clearly see how Channing Tatum's face was digitally pasted onto the helmet's visor. Utterly lame. It's been a good few years since I've seen CGI that bad out of a summer blockbuster, and I hope I never have to see it again.

Which leaves us with the action. This was the movie's saving grace. the action was fun. The explosions looked fake as hell, but it was fun watching everything blow up. The fighting took place against an obvious green screen, but hey, it was cool to watch it happen. The ninja fights really stole the show, though. I could have watched those parts for 2 hours, and this movie would have gotten a better score out of me. Paramount, if there's going to be a sequel to this movie (there is, it's already been announced), please take note: MORE NINJAS.

That's not to say the action was all hunky-dory. It wasn't. My most bitter complaint with the action was the silly and stupid use of slow-mo to try to heighten the tension... or something. Stephen Sommers (the director) apparently thought random bits of slow motion are really cool and decided to go to town with the effect. I'm OK with a bit of Matrix style in movies where appropriate, but there was no sense to the bits that got the slow-mo treatment (an explosion here, a missile there), so it aggravated me every time it happened.

Also, next time you are making a score for a military movie, find somebody who knows how to write military themes like Steve Jablonsky or Brian Tyler or somebody. Alan Silvestri's score for this movie was much like Dennis Quaid's facial expressions... just wrong.

There was one other thing this movie did wrong. Marketing. The movie suffered from some of the worst marketing I've seen leading up to a movie's release. The trailers were mind numbing, the TV spots were unexciting, the banners all over websites were equally uninspiring. Paramount decided it would be fun to not let critics see the movie early, then promptly released TV commercials with some of the nicer comments from the critics the day after the movie released. Lame... and slightly hypocritical considering the reasoning behind not releasing it early in the first place was because they wanted to let audiences, not critics, define the movie. While the marketing doesn't really affect the final movie, it is still notable as a failure. It also might have had something to do with the disappointing $56.2m the movie took in this weekend.

Anyway, the movie wasn't a complete bomb. It wasn't as bad as either Terminator or Wolverine, because it was at least fun. However, poor writing, mediocre acting, a bad score, transparent story, awful CGI, and idiotic slow-mo keep this movie from being anywhere near good. It was an entertaining waste of 2 hours, but I'd recommend waiting until you can rent this one. On standard DVD, because the special effect will be particularly fugly on Blu Ray. This is particularly sad, because the only time the movie is really enjoyable is when things are going BOOM.

Score: 4.0/10

G.I. Joe - Finally, There are Reviews!

After a week filled with press regarding Paramount's decision not to show the movie to critics, the G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra is finally out today.

Earlier in the week, Paramount said it would not show the movie to critics prior to the movie's release today. Paramount cites the disparity between the critical reviews for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and the audience reaction. Critics hated it, audiences loved it (to the tune of over $388m so far). Instead, it screened the movie in front on military bases and other, smaller venues. Several smaller reviewers, mostly bloggers, were permitted to see the film before today as well, and most of their comments on Rotten Tomatoes were quite positive. Prior to today, the aggregate score for the movie was between 85-91%. Not bad, considering a trailer so awful it actually lowered my opinion of the movie. My co-workers have been at this conspiracy theory thing all morning in which Paramount paid off said bloggers to give the movie some great reviews going into the opening.

It seems that G.I. Joe may fall victim to the Transformers bug (if you could call Transformers a victim, given it's success), assuming it does well at the box office. Since the movie has released, it's Rotten Tomatoes score has plummeted to a pitiful 47%. This may not seem bad (especially considering Transformers' abysmal 21%), but when you consider that almost half of the fresh ratings (11 of the 23) came from those small bloggers whose reviews were up and glowing prior to the release, it's not so hot. I'm not buyin' into the conspiracy stuff, but it is very odd to see that big a difference in the reviews between the screenings and the release. Of course, most movies are shown to critics before the release, so that's skewing things as well.

Anyway, I should be off to see the flick tonight, so look for the review here later this weekend. On Monday, we'll take a peek at how well the last action movie of the summer fared, and see how much closer Transformers gets to the $400m mark.

More of My Cash for Your Clunkers?

I'm back to writing on the politics that make me nauseated. This week the Senate has been preparing to vote on whether to donate $2,000,000,000 of taxpayers' hard earned money to the silly and expensive Cash for Clunkers program.

See, the point of this program is to give people who trade in an old gas guzzler, specifically SUVs, up to $4500 extra trade-in credit, funded by you and me. The trade-in credit is only good towards the purchase of a gas-friendly vehicle (the most popular of which, so far, have been Toyota, Honda, and Ford). The current program, apparently, has been a wild success, as they have pretty much run out of funds. Hence the vote to throw more money at it.

I have several problems with this whole Cash for Clunkers business. First and foremost, it's anti-Constitutional. Congress was never granted power to utilize taxpayer funds to stimulate private businesses. Or to encourage environmental cleanliness. They were never given the power to tax citizens either, but that's whole different ball of wax.

Second, the g-men are regulating what kinds of cars you can buy with your cool $4500 taxpayer funded stimulus. Only cars that get good MPG qualify, so if you're in the market for an SUV, you're out of luck. Also, you can't apply that to used cars of any type, including gas-sippers, so folks not looking to drop new car money are also SOL. I have never liked the idea of the gov'ment picking and choosing what I can and can't buy. Also, the government specifies what kinds of cars you can trade in. Are you looking to trade in your old Honda Civic to get a sexy new Camaro? Tough cookies for you, you get no Cash for Clunkers cash. Even if your old Civic is 20 years old. "Clunkers" is really defined as Trucks, SUVs, and Vans.

Finally, I bought a new car (a Civic as it happens) 3 years ago. Brand-spankin' new. And you want to know what? I never asked taxpayers to help me fund that purchase. So that begs the questions, then, why does my tax moey go to help somebody else buy a new car?

Besides all the above reasons, here's another good one for why the Senate should not pass a bill to dump more money into this program. A group of about 50 of the largest dealers in the nation have come together and put their own credit in place, titled the Automotive Stimulus Package. This new (and more awesome than the government's) package allows trade-in customers to get from $500 - $4500 in extra trade-in credit and has the following requirements

• The vehicle must be owned, registered, and insured for at least 6 months
• The vehicle must be model year 2006 or earlier
• The vehicle must be in working condition
• The vehicle must be at least 2mpg less efficient than the car you wish to purchase

PLUS, it covers buyers who are in the market for a used car.

This, folks, is the market in action. The government doesn't need to do anything, the private sector is taking care of itself (and doing a better job of it than the g-men, no less). Time for the government to get the hell out... long past time, actually, this is more of a wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Of course, we have a Congress that likes to be seen as helpful. They think this is helpful, so expect the bill to pass through the Senate and another $2 billion dollars of our money to get flushed.

The Dumb Get Dumber(er)

Yesterday, The Consumerist published a story about a woman who is suing her college to get back her tuition. Why is she doing this? Because the college has not found her a job yet. According to her (sic):

I recently graduated with my Bachelors in April 2009. I am seeking a reinbursement of $70,000 from my tutision because the Office of Career Advancement Information Technology Couselors are not making sure their Monroe e-recruiting clients call the graduates that recently finished college for a interview to get a job placement. They have not tried hard enough to help me. I am also seeking $2,000 for the stress I have been going through looking for a Full Time job on my own.

With spelling like that I would just toss her resume into the trash can. Besdies that point, I find it humorous that she believes that the college should be making prospective employers call her to set up an interview...

Anyway, there's the stupid moment of the week. Enjoy.

Transformers: ROTF Box Office and Other Movie News

So, we are inching ever closer to the $400M mark for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This is important only because the movie would become the lowest-critically-scored move to break that mark. Considering my general love for that movie, I think it would be a blast to see the movie break that mark. We're only 2-3 weeks out from just that.

So, over the weekend, Harry Potter took over IMAX theaters, booting ROTF out across most of the country. As such, sales slipped. The movie pulled in an estimated $4.6 million, bringing the domestic total to $388.1M. On the foreign front, the movie has raked in a staggering $417.9M with a total global gross of $806M. All this makes Revenge of the Fallen the 9th biggest domestic movie ever, and the 20th movie globally.

I watched Eagle Eye with a friend and his girlfriend yesterday. I'm pretty sure they liked it even more than I did. "In the top 10 best movies ever!" according to him.

I did not, however, have the chance I was hoping for to watch A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints, so the review will be postponed a little. Perhaps later this week I'll find a chance to fit this in.

G.I Joe comes out this week, and I will be seeing it on Friday. Look for a review soon thereafter. I really want to like this movie, but the cynic in me keeps nagging about how this is going to be all effects and little or no plot. I hope this isn't the case and I'm just being overly pessimistic.

I just today heard some interesting details around the forthcoming Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time movie, slated for release in 2010. The movie will star Jake Gyllenhaal as the title character, Prince Dastan, with Gemma Arterton as Princess (from a rival kingdom) Tamina. Suffice it to say, I am skeptical of Gyllenhaal as the Prince - his is certainly not the first name that crossed my mind when I thought of actors for the lead role in this one. If you check out the poster (linked above) he certainly looks the part, but we'll see.

More interestingly, both Ben Kingsley and Alfred Molina are also in the movie. Kinglsey plays the role of Nizam, and Molina is Sheik Amar. These two lend a certain credibility to the movie and definitely pique my interest in seeing it.

Random thought: The movie is subtitled The Sands of Time, which was the first game in Ubisoft's reimagining of the series, but Jake's costume is from Warrior Within, the second game in the new series (with a re-reimagined, and darker, Prince).