Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Watchmen - The Review
A Review of Watchmen in my Stead
Stuff
Friday, March 06, 2009
Lots to Say Today
A United States soldier was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the soldier got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The soldier went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The soldier calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."
Zack Snyder's adaptation of theWatchmen graphic novel takes place in the mid-1980s, after America won the Vietnam war and just before Richard Nixon's fourth term. The U.S. won that war by enlisting the help of Jon Osterman, a former scientist who was involved in a nuclear accident that, naturally, turned him into a god-like blue man who lives simultaneously in the past and the future. As near deity, Jon is able to do almost anything he wants, like asking people to call him Dr. Manhattan or zapping Vietcong with a wave of his hand. New York is also populated by a second generation of costumed heroes, normal people who fight crime like their parents did in a prior post-war era. But the world is on the brink of nuclear war with the Soviets, so many of these crusaders have retired or gone underground. Modern threats have rendered masked heroes quaint.
Snyder’s previous film, 300, was about a big, strong Spartan who pummeled the effeminate Persians against the wishes of a corrupt security council. The political slant of Watchmen is only slightly less transparent. Both films lavish attention on violent individuals who deliver justice as they see fit, on men who are principled brutes, and on women who are sexy, strong and secondary. Each film’s overarching view is that war is productive and weakness is not. The interest in sheer power is as strong as the interest in human bodies, and where the two intersect, Watchmen seems to vibrate with delight. We see the flesh of a female calf ripped by a bullet, the intestines of a splattered victim dangling from a ceiling, a prisoner’s skin melted by a basketful of frying oil (can baskets be filled with oil?), and two arms sawn off because they block access to someone who needs an ass-whoopin'.
The film’s obsession with bodies in conflict has a counterpoint in Dr. Manhattan. Gently voiced (and partially faced) by Billy Crudup, he stands naked, ripped, glowing and dispassionate through most of the film. Neither the attentions of his beautiful girlfriend-heroine nor his research into unlimited energy can raise his flaccid member. He has lost interest in the whole of the earth.
The film's id is an inky-masked character named Rorschach who metes justice with his fists and talks with a throat full of gravel, like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, who might very well be the inky one’s uncle. Rorschach, not the disengaged blue god, is clearly the film's ideal. But Dan, a character who shifts between those two poles, is the audience surrogate, a geeky but muscled guy who can’t get it up until he re-dons his Nite Owl costume and, along with a female partner, saves a bunch of kids from an apartment fire. The two of them cap their evening with a mutual orgasm of flame.
Unlike the typical superhero movie, Watchmen is a film of big ideas, and one of them is that mass carnage can usher in an era of peace. The major characters disagree only in the particulars. Dr. Manhattan makes a point of neither condemning nor condoning the film's most controversial, world-altering event, because his head is in the clouds. (He looks as if he’d rather be clearing brush.) Nixon and Kissinger, huddled in a war room, are only slightly more grounded; in their worst-case nuclear scenario they'll write off New England as collateral damage and even see the loss of Harvard liberals as a silver lining. The folks behind Watchmen may have taken the wrong lesson from Dr. Strangelove.
Furthermore, this gang doesn’t seem to realize how brief a violence-born peace may be. Remember when we were all New Yorkers? The assumption of the film is that a moment similar to the post-9/11 pause, if inflicted deeply enough, could blanket the globe with peace indefinitely, and if it happens during Nixon's reign it might preempt and best even Ronald Reagan who, as we know, single-handedly defeated the USSR in our real world.
Snyder never seems to consider the problems of macho justice. My advice to the entire naive lot—to the blue god, Rorschach, the geeky-sexy couple, the effeminate liberal (there's always an effeminate liberal) and Snyder himself—is this: Do not overestimate the longevity of global unity or the productiveness of violence, on any scale.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Watchmen in three, two...
It's going to be a great movie, no doubt about it. Like I said, I'm sitting at work right now, but all I can think about is seeing Watchmen. It doesn't help that everywhere I turn I see Watchmen advertisements, including right on my company's home page. Could we make this any more difficult for me?
Sunday, January 04, 2009
The Best of 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Very Important...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Randomness
I'd like to start off by thanking all the people who went out to vote. In Colorado, 90% of registered voters made it out to make their opinions heard, and that is just amazing.
In other news... Rumor has it that there is going to be a movie made based on the board game Monopoly. Yes, you read that correctly. Not sure what kind of storyline you attach to a board game about greed, but hey, why not? Hollywood's out of ideas anyway, right?
On second thought, perhaps you could make the movie a metaphor for our current floundering economy because of greed. But nobody watches those things.
Obama toured the White House on Monday with Bush. They played at being civil while, in the back of his head, Bush laughed like a drunken orangutan over the fact that he was handing off one of the worst economic situations in the country's history.
Anyway, I just started reading Watchmen, the supposedly brilliant graphic novel by Alan Moore. After seeing previews for the movie that made me drool in anticipation, I figured I'd give the novel a whirl before seeing the film. I'm not terribly far into it, but I am thusfar impressed.
I recently finished reading The Killing Joke, also by Alan Moore, because I have a fascination with The Joker. Putting aside the silly things that the Joker does in other, more cartoon-y comics and movies, there are very few works - novel, comic, movie, or otherwise - that take the time to really explore the psyche of this villain, and I think that's a damn shame. Too often, people just resort to senseless violence and stupid humor when writing about Joker, and that seems wasteful to me. Here is one of the more intriguing bad guys in modern literature, and his character is so often wasted on piddly contrivances and shallow characterizations. The Dark Knight was the first work I saw that truly explored the nuances of Joker's character and what it is that makes him tick. After doing some research into the matter, I stumbled across The Killing Joke, which, upon reading reviews, was attempting to do exactly what I was looking for: delve into that twisted mind. And it did an admirable job. Another graphic novel, The Joker, just came out. I'm eagerly anticipating reading that, as it too is supposed to cast off the cheery, hollow facade so many other authors use to portray Joker and show us a truly dark side. I can't wait.
One of the most developed bad guy characters in literature is Hannibal Lecter. I saw Silence of the Lambs on VHS (whoa, what's that?) when I was about 7. It took me weeks to get the image of the skins hanging off the cage, backlit by the white light that made them look angelic out of my head. That one scene started a deep fascination with the character Hannibal Lecter. Through the course of 4 well-crafted and meticulously researched books (and 4 movies which were not, generally, up to the same standard), Thomas Harris brought the character to life, gave him flesh and bones, twitches and peeves, but most importantly, he showed readers the true psyche of the man. For those of you that have only seen the movies, you have done yourself a great disservice. As great as Silence of the Lambs was, and as horrible as the rest of the movies were, they just do not go into the depth that the books do. Without the depth, many of the actions taken by Hannibal do not make any sense. They seem random an unplanned. Say what you will about the depraved and viscerally horrifying things that Hannibal did, but there would be no denying the sheer brialliance of the execution.
Some of you may read that and label me prime serial killer material, but I assure you I have no intentions, deisres, needs or otherwise to kill people. I am merely fascinated by the things that push the mind (particularly the brilliant mind) into territory that dark.
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