So, I've long been a Metallica fan. My first album was Reload, then I went back to Load, then was S&M, before I finally dove back into the discography. I'll be frank, I think S&M is Metallica's crowning achievement. I like Load and ReLoad better than any of their older albums. Master of Puppets was my favorite album of the "hair" era. Then Garage, Inc. hit, which had a few neat songs on it (Turn the Page, Whiskey in the Jar), but most of the dual CD outing was trash. Then St. Anger, which, to this day, is the only album I've ever thrown away the same day I bought it. If Garage, Inc. was trash, then St. Anger was the burning pit of talentless hell. I'd equate that CD to listening to a toddler beat on his mommy's pots. Death Magnetic was better than the previous two, but it still couldn't hold a candle to their pre-Garage days.
So, I'm already so-so on this Lulu album, which is Metallica instruments backing the vocals of Lou Reed, whose non-Metallica music I am wholly unfamiliar with. Hit the music.... and if I'd purchased this album, I'd have snapped it over my leg before throwing it away. As it is, I'm considering burning the album to a disc before deleting it so I can break it anyway.
I'll give props where props are due: the musicality is decent. It's not the Metallica I grew up loving, but it's not St. Anger either. It falls somewhere closer to the St. Anger side of the spectrum, but not intolerably so. Then Lou Reed opened his mouth.
Skip.
He starts singing in the second track.
Skip.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
And this went on for 10 of the most agonizing tracks I've ever subjected my ear drums to. Some of these tracks are epically long, like Dream Theater long, but they lack even a quarter of the talent required to make really long songs interesting. Or tolerable.
The part of this album that kills me is mostly the vocal stylings of Lou Reed. I'm sure somebody, somewhere thinks that this is the most awesomest awesome thing ever, but your not here to read that guy's opinions. The way these lyrics are delivered makes me squirm like somebody is dragging nails across a chalkboard. It's tuneless, it's off beat, it's not much better than screaming into the mic. It's less singing than narration, but if you're going to talk, at least do it to the music. Hip hop is a great pace to find lessons on talking to music without sounding awful (well, not sounding AS awful anyway).
I did happen to say that the music lacked the talent to make really long songs. See, the key to really long songs is that there has to be progression and rise and fall. Listening to 10 minutes of the same 2 or 3 lines over and over again gets dull very quickly. Metallica used to be able to write incredibly long, sweeping, epic music (instrumentals, even), but the years seem to have eroded that talent. St. Anger it is not, but it's also not that good. Decent just doesn't cut it for me when it comes to Metallica.
And so that makes 3 really bad albums Metallica has released in the last decade. Shame.
Oh, and for the record, Lars Ulrich is a dick.
In a more positive note, iTunes should be finished downloading Chevelle's new album, Hats Off to the Bull. Review for that one coming in the next couple of days.
See you tomorrow.
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