A few of my friends have been going through some hard times lately. Mostly with their other friends.
Lordy knows I've had my fair share of friend drama over the last month or so, and that really wasn't something that was their fault necessarily. It was me being selfish. A lot of people look to me when they need help or want to vent about something. It may be because I'm a good listener or that I'm really good at keeping secrets, whatever the reason, but people apparently feel comfortable when speaking to me.
My previous blog entry was a not-so-random rant of things that were driving me batty last week. All items on that list were directly related to one or more people currently in my life. There was quite a bit of lash out regarding that post, so I feel the need to clarify a bit. I am a firm believer in the power of free will. The choices you make, or fail to make, directly impact the outcome of your life. There is no such thing as destiny, god, purpose, predetermination, or any of that other stuff. And while I could go on and on and on about what I think of those particular subjects, I'll settle for saying that what they amount to is an excuse. Something else to blame when something is going wrong. The joy, and downfall, of having free will is that when something goes wrong, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
So, when these people come to me looking for advice or to simply vent about the things going wrong in their lives, in most cases, I can safely say from my outside perspective, that it is their own fault they are in the situations they are in. I tell these people such. I'm not one for sugar-coating things when you come to me looking for advice. I just have no patience for it. I'm not a fan of telling people what they need to hear if it's not what they should be hearing. I call it how I see it. And that's not to say I see things perfectly, because in a lot of the cases, I only get the half the story, and a slanted half at that. But one would think that when coming to a friend for advice, you'd be as honest as possible. So I give what advice I can, people take it or leave it. Whatever they do, it's cool with me.
But recently, there's been a glut of people who are obviously making very poor choices. The choices are so obviously that in most cases, even they realize it. But they lack the ability (so it seems) to change what they are doing, even though they realize that the decisions they are making are hurting both themselves and the people around them.
Regardless, it is because so many of my friends are incapable of taking action, definitive action, that I was so annoyed I felt like I had to write something. Selfish, perhaps, that I would get annoyed by the people coming to me for help, but come on.
You. If you're going to sacrifice the one person who truly makes you happy so you can dabble in maybes and uncertainties, then you deserve the sadness and pain that you will feel once you realize what you've lost.
And you. If you're going to sacrifice your long term happiness so you can manipulate and play with somebody else (for your own personal gain, no less), well then perhaps you deserve to be miserable for the rest of your life.
The list goes on...
Sure, that's cold, but life comes down to decisions. You make them yourself, and regardless of how many people in your life tell you they're right or wrong, you are the one that has to live with them. So, when the maybes fall out from under you, when the playtime is over, and those that made you happy have moved on to better things, what are you left with? Only the cold and hollow consequences that come with choosing poorly.
Once again, moving on. The second part of my last post was about the things I appreciate in life. I've long gone through my life with the simple philosophy that I generally do not like most people. I'm shy, I don't give out my trust easily, I don't play well with big crowds of people. Perhaps the most important part of that is I don't give out trust easily. You have to earn it. In most cases, I'll expect yours before I give mine. Selfish, again, I know.
That fits very well into my view on friendships as well. I measure friendships in quality, not quantity. I am perfectly happy having a small group of close friends and having a larger group of acquaintances I talk to hang out with on occasion but to whom I am in no way close. This is certainly at odds with the philosophies of most people I know, including my room mate, which makes for some interesting discussions. But in my mind, I would rather sit at home most nights knowing that all the people I want to hang out with are busy, because I know that when I need my friends they will be there for me. I know that what I tell my friends will stay between us and it won't be used to hurt me at some later time. I know that my friends are my friends and aren't just people who are using me or trying to manipulate me, or who don't care at all. These are people who fascinate me and whose company I truly enjoy, people who challenge me intellectually, and people who are interested in what I have to say, just as I am interested in what they say. These are people who I would stand behind in a heartbeat just as I know they would stand behind me.
Anybody else is not worth the investment of time and emotion that I put into a good friendship. Sure, we'll talk and hang out on occasion, we'll share some light discussion, but that's as far as it goes. They can come and go from my life with little, if any, impact. Perhaps, for the people who don't share my particular mentality, my view of that is harsh, cold, judgemental, or whatever, but there's little I could ever do to change that perception, so go on thinking it.
So, to the people who are actually my really good friends, Brett, Jason, Damon, Justin, Jen, and most importantly, Randy, thank you. You mean the world to me.
